Had you asked me last week what I was planning to write about today my answer would have been very different than it is right now. There’s only one thing on my mind. After the horrible, senseless actions of one man everything aside from the lives lost feels very trivial.
I took the weekend off. No writing, no television, no news. Just time with my family.
I found myself looking at my kids differently after Friday, actually thinking what life would be without them. Unimaginable.
This morning I woke up and found myself starring for too long at a blank computer screen. I’m at a complete loss for words. Everything feels insignificant. Scheduling and planning no longer matter. Because of one man and many needless deaths I’ve changed and I know you have too. The world has changed.
We struggled all weekend with whether or not to tell our kids and with how much to share. I need a manual. I don’t know what to say or how to act. So many of your words helped me. Then I thought of the Newtown families. Telling isn’t a choice.
When the yellow school bus arrived to take my kids off to school I said my goodbyes as I do every day, but it didn’t feel the same. I resisted the urge to get in my car and escort each of my boys to their respective schools and watch them walk safely into their classrooms, now guarded by a police officer.
Trying to act normal isn’t cutting it. Returning to life as we know it isn’t possible. Maybe I need one more day, maybe two. The people of Newtown can’t hope for that. Everyday will be a constant reminder that something unimaginable happened. My heart breaks for them.
To honor the memory of so many who needlessly lost their lives last week, I’m dedicating this day to them. No debates about gun control and mental health. There is a time and place for that. Today is a day only to honor those who are no longer with us and show peace and compassion to all. There’s only one way to go from here. We must continue to work together to make this world a safer place for our children and all children.
Please stand by. I’ll be back on track someday soon.
How are you coping?
Barbara Meltz, whom I had the pleasure of meeting at Barefoot Books a few months ago, wrote an article in the Boston Globe which discusses how to talk with your children when they come home from school today. I found it very helpful, I hope you will too.