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Only One Way to Go From Here

Posted By Lori On December 17, 2012 @ 11:14 am In Blogging,Green Advocacy | 21 Comments

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Had you asked me last week what I was planning to write about today my answer would have been very different than it is right now. There’s only one thing on my mind. After the horrible, senseless actions of one man everything aside from the lives lost feels very trivial.

I took the weekend off. No writing, no television, no news. Just time with my family.

I found myself looking at my kids differently after Friday, actually thinking what life would be without them. Unimaginable.

This morning I woke up and found myself starring for too long at a blank computer screen. I’m at a complete loss for words. Everything feels insignificant. Scheduling and planning no longer matter. Because of one man and many needless deaths I’ve changed and I know you have too. The world has changed.

We struggled all weekend with whether or not to tell our kids and with how much to share. I need a manual. I don’t know what to say or how to act. So many of your words helped me. Then I thought of the Newtown families. Telling isn’t a choice.

When the yellow school bus arrived to take my kids off to school I said my goodbyes as I do every day, but it didn’t feel the same. I resisted the urge to get in my car and escort each of my boys to their respective schools and watch them walk safely into their classrooms, now guarded by a police officer.

Trying to act normal isn’t cutting it. Returning to life as we know it isn’t possible. Maybe I need one more day, maybe two. The people of Newtown can’t hope for that.  Everyday will be a constant reminder that something unimaginable happened. My heart breaks for them.

To honor the memory of so many who needlessly lost their lives last week, I’m dedicating this day to them. No debates about gun control and mental health. There is a time and place for that. Today is a day only to honor those who are no longer with us and show peace and compassion to all. There’s only one way to go from here [4]. We must continue to work together to make this world a safer place for our children and all children.

Please stand by. I’ll be back on track someday soon.

How are you coping? 

Barbara Meltz, whom I had the pleasure of meeting [5] at Barefoot Books a few months ago, wrote an article in the Boston Globe [6] which discusses how to talk with your children when they come home from school today. I found it very helpful, I hope you will too. 

Photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography [7] via photopin [8] cc [9]

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21 Comments (Open | Close)

21 Comments To "Only One Way to Go From Here"

#1 Comment By Marsha On December 17, 2012 @ 12:23 pm

I feel exactly the same way, the insignificance of things and the loss for words. Our school district sent out an email with advice on talking with your children about tragedy. We did not end up talking about it with them, but I wonder what they may have heard at school today. I will take a look at the linked article.

#2 Comment By Lori On December 17, 2012 @ 12:26 pm

Hi Marsha, My kids are about to come home from school and I’m afraid. Afraid to hear what they learned at school. Afraid that I’m not going to have any answers or explanations for them. I found Barbara’s article helpful-I hope you will too.

#3 Comment By Kathy On December 17, 2012 @ 12:27 pm

It’s been on my mind since Friday but I’m doing all the things I normally do – because those people, those parents, can’t. Their lives are ruined. My heart aches for them, but my kids need me to be “normal”. To put importance in the trivial things they do like making ornaments and going to karate practice. Those things I need to do with all my motherly love so that those kids who lost their lives and the parents that lost their “normal” won’t be in vain. Their nightmare has made my normal look beautiful.
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#4 Comment By Leigh On December 17, 2012 @ 12:40 pm

I feel like this is such a critical time for us to be strong parents, strong Americans, and strong neighbors (even if they are miles away). I hope that we all can take the collective sadness we feel and make our children feel safe again both with emotional support and real action to make sure that they are safe and feel safe.
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#5 Comment By Judith A. Ross On December 17, 2012 @ 12:52 pm

Beautifully put, Lori, thank you. We got an email from our 29-year old son over the weekend. He just wanted to tell us and his brother that he loves us. Of course, he, his brother, and all of those kids and teachers were all I could think about over the weekend. I started wailing with gratitude when I saw his note.

I’m sure you’ll handle this just right with your kids. And I’ll be thinking of them and you today, too.
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#6 Comment By Ronnie On December 17, 2012 @ 3:12 pm

Lori, I feel the same way. I think I was numb over the weekend, but today I am obsessed. Everyone needs to do what works for them to deal with such a horrific event. Good for you for giving your kids extra lovin’!

#7 Comment By Cathy On December 17, 2012 @ 3:17 pm

I’m right there with you, Lori. I’m at a total loss for words and my heart aches for all of the people in that community. I didn’t cry until today when I was finally at home alone. I might need a couple more days, too. Give your boys an extra hug from me.
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#8 Comment By Becky On December 17, 2012 @ 3:30 pm

Very well written Lori. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions with us – I think that helps us all to be able to have a dialogue about these things. My husband and I chose not to talk to our kids about it over the weekend, and I did just get a question about it from my oldest (based on what she heard at school today). We talked briefly about it, and she seemed fine after we were done, so I’m thinking I did an okay job. I’m sure you’ll do the same when and if your children come to you with questions

#9 Comment By Jen @ Go Green On December 17, 2012 @ 7:20 pm

I feel the same way Lori. I’m hoping some time with the family will get my heart and mind back into “normal” again.
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#10 Comment By Lori On December 19, 2012 @ 10:06 am

Hi Jen, I think time is the only thing that will help. I’m not sure what normal is anymore.

#11 Comment By Lori On December 19, 2012 @ 10:07 am

Thanks Becky. That means a lot to hear. Talking about everything has really helped me process what happened. I know you are doing more than an OK job. Thanks for the support.

#12 Comment By Lori On December 19, 2012 @ 10:07 am

Thanks Cathy. Lots of hugs over here. They don’t know what hit them. Hope you’re doing well and coping.

#13 Comment By Lori On December 19, 2012 @ 10:08 am

So true Ronnie. Doing what works best for you and your family is most important.

#14 Comment By Lori On December 19, 2012 @ 10:09 am

Thanks so much Judith. What a wonderful email from your son. If something positive is to come from any of this it’s all the love that people are expressing. Hugs to you. xo

#15 Comment By Lori On December 19, 2012 @ 10:10 am

Hi Leigh, yes, it is a critical time for all of us to take action. I’m just not sure I have the energy yet. I’m still processing and it’s too painful. Hopefully time will help and we can all work to keep all children safe.

#16 Comment By Lori On December 19, 2012 @ 10:11 am

Good for you Kathy. I think there’s something to be said for continuing on normally. I agree-normal is looking very beautiful these days.

#17 Pingback By What Dogs Teach Us About Living in the Moment – Groovy Green Livin On December 19, 2012 @ 12:46 pm

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#18 Comment By Joy On December 19, 2012 @ 10:20 pm

Lori, thanks for sharing this. I just found your blog through a reference to it on another blog (My Plastic Free Life), which was discussing this same topic. I feel like so many of us are searching for comfort and answers (as if there is a logical answer…), and reading how others are coping (or not) is a way to work through this difficult time. I wrote about this same topic myself, in case you’re interested:

[16]

Anyway, I’m glad to have found your blog and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Joy recently posted.. [16]My Profile

#19 Comment By Lori On December 20, 2012 @ 11:23 am

Hi Joy, I agree-it’s really helped me to read what others (including your piece) have written during this difficult time. Thanks very much for stopping by.

#20 Pingback By Heading on Vacation – Groovy Green Livin On December 21, 2012 @ 10:06 am

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#21 Pingback By After the Snow Refreshed and Ready – Groovy Green Livin On January 2, 2013 @ 11:23 am

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[4] only one way to go from here: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/immediately-address-issue-gun-control-through-introduction-legislation-congress/2tgcXzQC

[5] pleasure of meeting: http://groovygreenlivin.com/2012/05/time-magazine-and-a-childs-right-to-privacy/

[6] wrote an article in the Boston Globe: http://www.boston.com/community/moms/blogs/child_caring/2012/12/nitty-gritty_of.html

[7] Pink Sherbet Photography: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/2573760229/

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[11] : http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SafeMama/~3/yqaJqG48PSs/

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[13] : http://judithaross.com/2012/12/16/if-it-were-up-to-me/

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[15] : http://www.jenandjoeygogreen.com/2012/12/whats-next.html

[16] : http://www.joyfullygreen.com/2012/12/searching-for-solace-in-the-wake-of-sandy-hook.html

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